Friday, 5 December 2014

Real Life... Sucks...

Hello beautiful people,

Today I thought I would do a week update even though the week isn't over eeeeeeeeeeeeee. This week has been a tough week for me, real life getting in the way of my fantasy land and it’s pretty much not fair. MEH.. I mean why can’t life just go right for once?

Stress at home , stressful relationships , stress with family. This Christmas will not be the same this year, 3 special people won’t be around to celebrate it with me and that really does suck.

My anxiety is getting worse each week I notice myself avoiding situations that I was at some time in my life comfortable with, maybe it’s time to bite the bullet? I didn’t realise how much I bury my head in the sand I always classed myself as a person that dealt with situations head on but either I have changed over the years or I’m not that type of person after all? Who knows?

I am sick and tired of comparing myself to others, fair enough other people might do the same but that doesn’t make it okay. I find myself most days feeling sorry for my self asking my self “I work so hard why does that not happen to me?”. I am always wishing for someone else’s life, which makes me wonder “are we ever happy with what we have?” “will it ever be enough?”. People may look at me and think that I have a lot to be thankful for and that may be true but I just feel like my life isn’t where I want it to be.

I mean at the tender age of 27 I envisioned my life to be a lot different than it is now. House (bought) , children , married and a great job…. Here I am renting a house, no children, not married and yes I have a job but it isn't something I enjoy anymore.. I thought running my own business would be amazing but guess what it’s not it’s actually harder than working for some awful boss that is always on your case and nothing you do is ever good enough.

As for children well… we have been trying for the last two years and I guess it’s just not meant to be, my partner has a child with someone else so yeah that makes me feel AMAZING… NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT .. Christmas in my eyes is all about children, he has the excitement of buying stuff for his daughter whilst I’m sitting wishing I had my own to fuss around over.. I know I am being selfish but I think sometimes in life you can’t help the way you feel about certain situations.

Business is always tough around this time of the year so I guess Christmas is a bitter sweet time for me, everyone kind of gets out of town and goes shopping further afield and us local businesses just kind of have to accept the dregs. But that doesn’t stop me from getting down in the dumps about it but it literally is like this from now until New Year.

Jesus I have just realised how bad my spelling is whilst writing this hah.

Anyway I am ending this post on a positive note :

Apart from this week been one of those awfully down depressing weeks I did manage to land myself a “Ciate Advent Calendar” even though it’s like 4 days late I found it in TKMax for like £25, words cannot describe how happy I am about this? J

So I have posted a few pics of the last 4 nail polishes I got last night hehe now I can be excited every morning.

I hope ya’ll having a better time than me. Marie xox